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For kind and sure are those eyes....

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* * *
The sun has fallen and it lies in blood
The moon is weaving bandages of gold,
Oh black swan, where oh where is my lover gone?
Torn and tattered is my bridal gown
And my lamp is lost
And my lamp is lost.....
With silver needles and with silver thread
The stars stitch a shroud for the dying sun
Oh black swan, where oh where has my lover gone?
I had given him a kiss of fire
And a golden ring
And a golden ring....
Don't you hear your lover moan?
Eyes of glass and feet of stone
Shells for teeth and weeds for tongue
Deep deep down in the river's bed
He's looking for the ring
Eyes wide open, never asleep
He's looking for the ring
Looking for the ring.....

-----------------------

The spools unravel and the needles break,
The sun is buried and the stars weep
Oh black wave, oh black wave
Take me away with you
I will share with you my golden hair
And my bridal crown
And my bridal crown....
Oh!!!! Take me down with you!
Take me down to my wand'ring lover
With my child unborn
With my child unborn!


This is Black Swan, an aria in "The Medium" that I sing with my "mother,"(also known as "Baba," or "Madame Flora.") It is probably one of the most heartbreaking/depressing lullabies I've ever heard. The melody is absolutely beautiful though...and Monica (my character) sings it to her mother to calm her down, because she thinks her mother is hearing things. I began to wonder though, why she would sing such a depressing thing though if she's trying to soothe someone.

Then I thought of the kind of atmosphere in the house. Baba is an abusive mother...physically (and mentally) abusive to Toby, the mute who lives with them, and mentally abusive to Monica at least. I think that "Black Swan" is the only lullaby Monica probably knows. She probably learned it from her mother, because perhaps that is the only lullaby Baba knows, because she joins in singing with Monica later in the aria.

The next few posts will probably be about pondering character development in the character I will be playing for the opera at my school this semester. So if you all are interested in that, read on, I say! If not...well, don't. No juicy gossip I'm afraid. Too busy for that.
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
* * *
I suppose I can't expect much from a stupid 18 year old girl, but really, now she's just fucking taking advantage of me. I can't stand living with this girl any LONGER! I have not lost count of how much money she owes me for pizza and whatnot....this is not even including the last month's electricity bill I had to pay...$180! How do you use that much fucking electricity! Well, bitch, maybe it wouldn't be so high if you made an effort to turn lights OFF!!!! Every night, I have to walk through the fucking house to make sure the lights are all turned off! And on the occasion that I don't, the lights are on everywhere. WHAT THE FUCK. I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT! I'm sick of paying YOUR bills. ENOUGH. I JUST paid the gas bill. Don't think I'm not keeping track of the bills sweetie. Oh, and this is not to mention the $30 dollars that went mysteriously missing from my wallet a week ago. I was sure not to spend it because I spend my cash sparingly. Just because I have more money than you does not mean I won't miss $30. And you know where my purse and wallet is. I'M NOT STUPID. I set up a security camera in my room, bitch, so the next time you're in here, I'LL KNOW AND HAVE YOUR FAT ASS ARRESTED. Oh, and if you have no money to pay bills...sweetie, you were sick for like 3 days...yet you still managed to buy pot. Interesting. You have no money to pay bills...but...hey, what do I know!?!?

OH, and as much as you want to deny it, I know you're still smoking in the house, even though I pleaded and begged you to stop. It affects my breathing and voice...but do you care? Oh no! Of course not! Instead, you bring your loser sleazebag friends upstairs, have little pot smoking aderol snorting parties, while I try to sleep, and yet the smell of smoke still drifts downstairs. SMOKE DOES NOT JUST DISAPPEAR YOU FUCKING MORON! I told Todd about you. He says if you keep this up, (i.e. not paying your bills and smoking pot...and smoking in the house in the first place, you are in violation of your lease and he can EVICT YOU! I HOPE HE FUCKING DOES! YOU ARE A FUCKING SLOB AND DEADBEAT!

Oh, did I mention SLOB? Honestly, I thought I was one until I met you. I have lost count of the times I have taken the trash out. Every time I don't want to do it I have to BEG you to do it...and then, YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING DO IT! SO THEN WE ARE STUCK WITH WEEK OLD GARBAGE ALONG WITH THE NEW GARBAGE THAT HAS ACCUMULATED! SO I HAVE TO TAKE ALL OF IT OUT! FUCKING CUNT! I HATE YOU! I wasted my ENTIRE WEEKEND cleaning up after you! I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER!!! GO BACK AND LIVE AT YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE!!! SERIOUSLY! Oh, and I have also lost count of how many times I have pulled HAIR out of the DRAIN in the bathtub. IT'S DISGUSTING! I HAVE BEGGED YOU TO TAKE IT OUT AFTER YOU ARE DONE SHOWERING. You forget. WELL, REMEMBER! YOU'RE 18. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE . THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE! I live here too, you know!!!! I am about to explode....if you do not pay me back for those bills soon, I am going straight to Todd and he will EVICT YOUR ASS!! I REALLY HOPE HE DOES! OH TO BE FREE OF YOU!!!

Current Mood:
infuriated infuriated
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OH! AND I FORGOT TO MENTION! I RESCUED A KITTEN! I can have a cat now since I'm living off campus! It's so awesome! I named her "Tosca" after my favorite opera, and after a book I had about a cat when I was little called "Tosca's Surprise." She was SO scared when we first caught her she hid under the couch for like 2 weeks. She's feisty as hell too...it took 5 people to catch her. She's so pretty! She's a calico. Gary, who has had much experience taming wild cats, helped me tame her. We moved the couch out of the room so she had no where to hide. And she had no choice but to trust us. Mind, she was getting a little more relaxed before (i.e. coming out because she was really hungry and even though there was someone in the room, she ate, while remaining vigilant). But now she's really sweet....if not a little shit. Though all kittens are little shits. It's really funny. She has this pattern. You walk in the room, she meows continuously at you while rubbing up against you, purring and licking you, and then, randomly, she bites you and starts giving you rabbit kicks (with her back feet). And then the game begins....of trying to tame the insanely hyper cat.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know but want to go to sleep with a kitten in the room....DON'T. They have that whole "nocturnal" thing going for them. Really don't recommend it unless you want to spend all night swatting the kitten off of you. Anyway, gotta go study for Styles midterm. Peace.

* * *
Wow it's been a while since I've touched this thing....I guess it feels kinda juvenile to me...reminds me too much of highschool. I have another online journal now that I kind of use more. It's called "Musings of a Soprano." My username is "SingWillow"

But yeah. New news....I GOT A PAPER CUT UNDERNEATH MY THUMBNAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BLEEDING LIKE CRAZY TOO! Ugh...well, now I have an excuse to not play piano....but I have to type a paper over the weekend. DAMMIT!

Current Mood:
annoyed annoyed
Current Music:
Laudaute Nomen Domini--Tye
* * *
Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
In a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond, in a verdant meadow, near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: ' Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
And then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
And set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
With my mother,
~~~~~~~~
Where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
And forever feel grateful and happy doing so. ~~~~~~~~

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't f*#!in' think so.

Current Mood:
amused amused
* * *
I really really really really really resent being slandered. I don't care if you don't like me. But don't fucking act like you're my friend and fucking use me. You me for using people, but there's something in Psych 101 called PROJECTION!!! LOOK IT UP ASSHOLE!!! Why do you keep me around exactly? You got rid of Mike. I guess it's because I'm a chick and because I can buy you alcohol and get you a nice bottle of wine for your birthday!!!! That's all I am to you, isn't it? Boobs and booze. Well here's a nice big FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You DARE talk behind my back and say shit about me and then not only act nice to me, but flirt with me, and expect me to buy you booze!? You are both a coward and an IDIOT. Did you not think I was going to find out? Gary and Mike tell me everything. God, am I glad to be rid of you as a friend. But you could have at least done me the favor of not making a complete hypocrite of yourself. GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop trying to pump your muscles. WE all know that you're a small little boy deep down inside. I don't care if you're threatened and you think you're not man enough. Clearly, you aren't. All those times you said you'd kick this guy's ass or you'd stab this guy. Please. When you witnessed an actual fight, from what I hear (and from a good, SOBER source too,) you just stood there like the knuckle-dragging mouth breather that you are!!!!!!! And don't even get me started on how fucking lazy you are. You complain about how your professors don't know shit, and you know better than them, blah blah blah....WELL THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FAILING YOUR CLASSES!? OH! Because you know it already, so you just sit on your FAT ass and play video games and drink....and burn incense. Yeah...you got some life going for you. Oh, and did I mention that you NEVER practice!? You're a fucking music major and you never fucking practice. Yeah, you're a comp major, but you know what, so was Luke Gullickson, and he got really far in life. He played for fucking Concerto Aria. WHere are you? Failing SURVEY. Just because you're LAZY. You constantly say, "I'm not an idiot," Whenever we say anything you interpret as negative (which is nearly everything , because you're so fucking pessimistic all the time). Well, Eric, clearly YOU ARE. Have a nice life. Enjoy being a wino when you can't fucking provide for yourself. You will take advantage of me no longer!
Current Mood:
pissed off pissed off
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MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS ALL SORTS OF EFFED UP! BLAH!!!! >.> DID I MENTION THAT I HATE DOING LAUNDRY?!
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The way I view my relationship with him. :) I read it when I feel lonely, and I feel better. A poem by my favorite poet: Sarah Teasdale.


After Parting

Oh, I have sown my love so wide
That he will find it everywhere;
It will awake him in the night,
It will enfold him in the air.

I set my shadow in his sight
And I have winged it with desire,
That it may be a cloud by day,
And in the night a shaft of fire.

Current Mood:
loved loved
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(x) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done
------------------------------------------
(X) been drunk
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(X) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(_) been fired
(_) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(_) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(_) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to Europe
(X) skipped school
(_) slept with a co-worker
(X) cut myself on purpose
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die.
(_) been to Africa
(X) had a crush on one of my Live journal friends
(X) Slapped someone I loved
(X) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(X) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(_) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(X) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been snowboarding
(_) Met someone in person from the internet
(_) Been moshing at a concert
(_) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(X) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(X) been in an abusive relationship
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) lost a child
(X) gone to college
(_) graduated college
(X) tried killing urself
(X) taken painkillers
(_) intentionally burned urself
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
* * *
I swear....the Marines MUST be getting desperate. They sent me a recruiting letter. LMAO. Yeah...they'd REALLY want me.
Current Mood:
amused amused
Current Music:
Pavlov's Daughter--Regina Spektor
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REMARKS OF SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: 'A MORE PERFECT UNION'

Philadelphia, PA | March 18, 2008
As Prepared for Delivery

"We the people, in order to form a more perfect union."

Two hundred and twenty one years ago, in a hall that still stands across the street, a group of men gathered and, with these simple words, launched America's improbable experiment in democracy. Farmers and scholars; statesmen and patriots who had traveled across an ocean to escape tyranny and persecution finally made real their declaration of independence at a Philadelphia convention that lasted through the spring of 1787.

The document they produced was eventually signed but ultimately unfinished. It was stained by this nation's original sin of slavery, a question that divided the colonies and brought the convention to a stalemate until the founders chose to allow the slave trade to continue for at least twenty more years, and to leave any final resolution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the slavery question was already embedded within our Constitution - a Constitution that had at its very core the ideal of equal citizenship under the law; a Constitution that promised its people liberty, and justice, and a union that could be and should be perfected over time.

And yet words on a parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage, or provide men and women of every color and creed their full rights and obligations as citizens of the United States. What would be needed were Americans in successive generations who were willing to do their part - through protests and struggle, on the streets and in the courts, through a civil war and civil disobedience and always at great risk - to narrow that gap between the promise of our ideals and the reality of their time.

This was one of the tasks we set forth at the beginning of this campaign - to continue the long march of those who came before us, a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring and more prosperous America. I chose to run for the presidency at this moment in history because I believe deeply that we cannot solve the challenges of our time unless we solve them together - unless we perfect our union by understanding that we may have different stories, but we hold common hopes; that we may not look the same and we may not have come from the same place, but we all want to move in the same direction - towards a better future for our children and our grandchildren.

This belief comes from my unyielding faith in the decency and generosity of the American people. But it also comes from my own American story.

I am the son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from Kansas. I was raised with the help of a white grandfather who survived a Depression to serve in Patton's Army during World War II and a white grandmother who worked on a bomber assembly line at Fort Leavenworth while he was overseas. I've gone to some of the best schools in America and lived in one of the world's poorest nations. I am married to a black American who carries within her the blood of slaves and slaveowners - an inheritance we pass on to our two precious daughters. I have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, uncles and cousins, of every race and every hue, scattered across three continents, and for as long as I live, I will never forget that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible.

It's a story that hasn't made me the most conventional candidate. But it is a story that has seared into my genetic makeup the idea that this nation is more than the sum of its parts - that out of many, we are truly one.

Throughout the first year of this campaign, against all predictions to the contrary, we saw how hungry the American people were for this message of unity. Despite the temptation to view my candidacy through a purely racial lens, we won commanding victories in states with some of the whitest populations in the country. In South Carolina, where the Confederate Flag still flies, we built a powerful coalition of African Americans and white Americans.

This is not to say that race has not been an issue in the campaign. At various stages in the campaign, some commentators have deemed me either "too black" or "not black enough." We saw racial tensions bubble to the surface during the week before the South Carolina primary. The press has scoured every exit poll for the latest evidence of racial polarization, not just in terms of white and black, but black and brown as well.

And yet, it has only been in the last couple of weeks that the discussion of race in this campaign has taken a particularly divisive turn.

On one end of the spectrum, we've heard the implication that my candidacy is somehow an exercise in affirmative action; that it's based solely on the desire of wide-eyed liberals to purchase racial reconciliation on the cheap. On the other end, we've heard my former pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, use incendiary language to express views that have the potential not only to widen the racial divide, but views that denigrate both the greatness and the goodness of our nation; that rightly offend white and black alike.

I have already condemned, in unequivocal terms, the statements of Reverend Wright that have caused such controversy. For some, nagging questions remain. Did I know him to be an occasionally fierce critic of American domestic and foreign policy? Of course. Did I ever hear him make remarks that could be considered controversial while I sat in church? Yes. Did I strongly disagree with many of his political views? Absolutely - just as I'm sure many of you have heard remarks from your pastors, priests, or rabbis with which you strongly disagreed.

But the remarks that have caused this recent firestorm weren't simply controversial. They weren't simply a religious leader's effort to speak out against perceived injustice. Instead, they expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country - a view that sees white racism as endemic, and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America; a view that sees the conflicts in the Middle East as rooted primarily in the actions of stalwart allies like Israel, instead of emanating from the perverse and hateful ideologies of radical Islam.

As such, Reverend Wright's comments were not only wrong but divisive, divisive at a time when we need unity; racially charged at a time when we need to come together to solve a set of monumental problems - two wars, a terrorist threat, a falling economy, a chronic health care crisis and potentially devastating climate change; problems that are neither black or white or Latino or Asian, but rather problems that confront us all.

Given my background, my politics, and my professed values and ideals, there will no doubt be those for whom my statements of condemnation are not enough. Why associate myself with Reverend Wright in the first place, they may ask? Why not join another church? And I confess that if all that I knew of Reverend Wright were the snippets of those sermons that have run in an endless loop on the television and You Tube, or if Trinity United Church of Christ conformed to the caricatures being peddled by some commentators, there is no doubt that I would react in much the same way

But the truth is, that isn't all that I know of the man. The man I met more than twenty years ago is a man who helped introduce me to my Christian faith, a man who spoke to me about our obligations to love one another; to care for the sick and lift up the poor. He is a man who served his country as a U.S. Marine; who has studied and lectured at some of the finest universities and seminaries in the country, and who for over thirty years led a church that serves the community by doing God's work here on Earth - by housing the homeless, ministering to the needy, providing day care services and scholarships and prison ministries, and reaching out to those suffering from HIV/AIDS.

In my first book, Dreams From My Father, I described the experience of my first service at Trinity:

"People began to shout, to rise from their seats and clap and cry out, a forceful wind carrying the reverend's voice up into the rafters....And in that single note - hope! - I heard something else; at the foot of that cross, inside the thousands of churches across the city, I imagined the stories of ordinary black people merging with the stories of David and Goliath, Moses and Pharaoh, the Christians in the lion's den, Ezekiel's field of dry bones. Those stories - of survival, and freedom, and hope - became our story, my story; the blood that had spilled was our blood, the tears our tears; until this black church, on this bright day, seemed once more a vessel carrying the story of a people into future generations and into a larger world. Our trials and triumphs became at once unique and universal, black and more than black; in chronicling our journey, the stories and songs gave us a means to reclaim memories that we didn't need to feel shame about...memories that all people might study and cherish - and with which we could start to rebuild."

That has been my experience at Trinity. Like other predominantly black churches across the country, Trinity embodies the black community in its entirety - the doctor and the welfare mom, the model student and the former gang-banger. Like other black churches, Trinity's services are full of raucous laughter and sometimes bawdy humor. They are full of dancing, clapping, screaming and shouting that may seem jarring to the untrained ear. The church contains in full the kindness and cruelty, the fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance, the struggles and successes, the love and yes, the bitterness and bias that make up the black experience in America.

And this helps explain, perhaps, my relationship with Reverend Wright. As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions - the good and the bad - of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.

I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

These people are a part of me. And they are a part of America, this country that I love.

Some will see this as an attempt to justify or excuse comments that are simply inexcusable. I can assure you it is not. I suppose the politically safe thing would be to move on from this episode and just hope that it fades into the woodwork. We can dismiss Reverend Wright as a crank or a demagogue, just as some have dismissed Geraldine Ferraro, in the aftermath of her recent statements, as harboring some deep-seated racial bias.

But race is an issue that I believe this nation cannot afford to ignore right now. We would be making the same mistake that Reverend Wright made in his offending sermons about America - to simplify and stereotype and amplify the negative to the point that it distorts reality.

The fact is that the comments that have been made and the issues that have surfaced over the last few weeks reflect the complexities of race in this country that we've never really worked through - a part of our union that we have yet to perfect. And if we walk away now, if we simply retreat into our respective corners, we will never be able to come together and solve challenges like health care, or education, or the need to find good jobs for every American.

Understanding this reality requires a reminder of how we arrived at this point. As William Faulkner once wrote, "The past isn't dead and buried. In fact, it isn't even past." We do not need to recite here the history of racial injustice in this country. But we do need to remind ourselves that so many of the disparities that exist in the African-American community today can be directly traced to inequalities passed on from an earlier generation that suffered under the brutal legacy of slavery and Jim Crow.

Segregated schools were, and are, inferior schools; we still haven't fixed them, fifty years after Brown v. Board of Education, and the inferior education they provided, then and now, helps explain the pervasive achievement gap between today's black and white students.

Legalized discrimination - where blacks were prevented, often through violence, from owning property, or loans were not granted to African-American business owners, or black homeowners could not access FHA mortgages, or blacks were excluded from unions, or the police force, or fire departments - meant that black families could not amass any meaningful wealth to bequeath to future generations. That history helps explain the wealth and income gap between black and white, and the concentrated pockets of poverty that persists in so many of today's urban and rural communities.

A lack of economic opportunity among black men, and the shame and frustration that came from not being able to provide for one's family, contributed to the erosion of black families - a problem that welfare policies for many years may have worsened. And the lack of basic services in so many urban black neighborhoods - parks for kids to play in, police walking the beat, regular garbage pick-up and building code enforcement - all helped create a cycle of violence, blight and neglect that continue to haunt us.

This is the reality in which Reverend Wright and other African-Americans of his generation grew up. They came of age in the late fifties and early sixties, a time when segregation was still the law of the land and opportunity was systematically constricted. What's remarkable is not how many failed in the face of discrimination, but rather how many men and women overcame the odds; how many were able to make a way out of no way for those like me who would come after them.

But for all those who scratched and clawed their way to get a piece of the American Dream, there were many who didn't make it - those who were ultimately defeated, in one way or another, by discrimination. That legacy of defeat was passed on to future generations - those young men and increasingly young women who we see standing on street corners or languishing in our prisons, without hope or prospects for the future. Even for those blacks who did make it, questions of race, and racism, continue to define their worldview in fundamental ways. For the men and women of Reverend Wright's generation, the memories of humiliation and doubt and fear have not gone away; nor has the anger and the bitterness of those years. That anger may not get expressed in public, in front of white co-workers or white friends. But it does find voice in the barbershop or around the kitchen table. At times, that anger is exploited by politicians, to gin up votes along racial lines, or to make up for a politician's own failings.

And occasionally it finds voice in the church on Sunday morning, in the pulpit and in the pews. The fact that so many people are surprised to hear that anger in some of Reverend Wright's sermons simply reminds us of the old truism that the most segregated hour in American life occurs on Sunday morning. That anger is not always productive; indeed, all too often it distracts attention from solving real problems; it keeps us from squarely facing our own complicity in our condition, and prevents the African-American community from forging the alliances it needs to bring about real change. But the anger is real; it is powerful; and to simply wish it away, to condemn it without understanding its roots, only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists between the races.

In fact, a similar anger exists within segments of the white community. Most working- and middle-class white Americans don't feel that they have been particularly privileged by their race. Their experience is the immigrant experience - as far as they're concerned, no one's handed them anything, they've built it from scratch. They've worked hard all their lives, many times only to see their jobs shipped overseas or their pension dumped after a lifetime of labor. They are anxious about their futures, and feel their dreams slipping away; in an era of stagnant wages and global competition, opportunity comes to be seen as a zero sum game, in which your dreams come at my expense. So when they are told to bus their children to a school across town; when they hear that an African American is getting an advantage in landing a good job or a spot in a good college because of an injustice that they themselves never committed; when they're told that their fears about crime in urban neighborhoods are somehow prejudiced, resentment builds over time.

Like the anger within the black community, these resentments aren't always expressed in polite company. But they have helped shape the political landscape for at least a generation. Anger over welfare and affirmative action helped forge the Reagan Coalition. Politicians routinely exploited fears of crime for their own electoral ends. Talk show hosts and conservative commentators built entire careers unmasking bogus claims of racism while dismissing legitimate discussions of racial injustice and inequality as mere political correctness or reverse racism.

Just as black anger often proved counterproductive, so have these white resentments distracted attention from the real culprits of the middle class squeeze - a corporate culture rife with inside dealing, questionable accounting practices, and short-term greed; a Washington dominated by lobbyists and special interests; economic policies that favor the few over the many. And yet, to wish away the resentments of white Americans, to label them as misguided or even racist, without recognizing they are grounded in legitimate concerns - this too widens the racial divide, and blocks the path to understanding.

This is where we are right now. It's a racial stalemate we've been stuck in for years. Contrary to the claims of some of my critics, black and white, I have never been so naïve as to believe that we can get beyond our racial divisions in a single election cycle, or with a single candidacy - particularly a candidacy as imperfect as my own.

But I have asserted a firm conviction - a conviction rooted in my faith in God and my faith in the American people - that working together we can move beyond some of our old racial wounds, and that in fact we have no choice if we are to continue on the path of a more perfect union.

For the African-American community, that path means embracing the burdens of our past without becoming victims of our past. It means continuing to insist on a full measure of justice in every aspect of American life. But it also means binding our particular grievances - for better health care, and better schools, and better jobs - to the larger aspirations of all Americans -- the white woman struggling to break the glass ceiling, the white man whose been laid off, the immigrant trying to feed his family. And it means taking full responsibility for own lives - by demanding more from our fathers, and spending more time with our children, and reading to them, and teaching them that while they may face challenges and discrimination in their own lives, they must never succumb to despair or cynicism; they must always believe that they can write their own destiny.

Ironically, this quintessentially American - and yes, conservative - notion of self-help found frequent expression in Reverend Wright's sermons. But what my former pastor too often failed to understand is that embarking on a program of self-help also requires a belief that society can change.

The profound mistake of Reverend Wright's sermons is not that he spoke about racism in our society. It's that he spoke as if our society was static; as if no progress has been made; as if this country - a country that has made it possible for one of his own members to run for the highest office in the land and build a coalition of white and black; Latino and Asian, rich and poor, young and old -- is still irrevocably bound to a tragic past. But what we know -- what we have seen - is that America can change. That is the true genius of this nation. What we have already achieved gives us hope - the audacity to hope - for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

In the white community, the path to a more perfect union means acknowledging that what ails the African-American community does not just exist in the minds of black people; that the legacy of discrimination - and current incidents of discrimination, while less overt than in the past - are real and must be addressed. Not just with words, but with deeds - by investing in our schools and our communities; by enforcing our civil rights laws and ensuring fairness in our criminal justice system; by providing this generation with ladders of opportunity that were unavailable for previous generations. It requires all Americans to realize that your dreams do not have to come at the expense of my dreams; that investing in the health, welfare, and education of black and brown and white children will ultimately help all of America prosper.

In the end, then, what is called for is nothing more, and nothing less, than what all the world's great religions demand - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Let us be our brother's keeper, Scripture tells us. Let us be our sister's keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well.

For we have a choice in this country. We can accept a politics that breeds division, and conflict, and cynicism. We can tackle race only as spectacle - as we did in the OJ trial - or in the wake of tragedy, as we did in the aftermath of Katrina - or as fodder for the nightly news. We can play Reverend Wright's sermons on every channel, every day and talk about them from now until the election, and make the only question in this campaign whether or not the American people think that I somehow believe or sympathize with his most offensive words. We can pounce on some gaffe by a Hillary supporter as evidence that she's playing the race card, or we can speculate on whether white men will all flock to John McCain in the general election regardless of his policies.

We can do that.

But if we do, I can tell you that in the next election, we'll be talking about some other distraction. And then another one. And then another one. And nothing will change.

That is one option. Or, at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, "Not this time." This time we want to talk about the crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children and white children and Asian children and Hispanic children and Native American children. This time we want to reject the cynicism that tells us that these kids can't learn; that those kids who don't look like us are somebody else's problem. The children of America are not those kids, they are our kids, and we will not let them fall behind in a 21st century economy. Not this time.

This time we want to talk about how the lines in the Emergency Room are filled with whites and blacks and Hispanics who do not have health care; who don't have the power on their own to overcome the special interests in Washington, but who can take them on if we do it together.

This time we want to talk about the shuttered mills that once provided a decent life for men and women of every race, and the homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from every religion, every region, every walk of life. This time we want to talk about the fact that the real problem is not that someone who doesn't look like you might take your job; it's that the corporation you work for will ship it overseas for nothing more than a profit.

This time we want to talk about the men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. We want to talk about how to bring them home from a war that never should've been authorized and never should've been waged, and we want to talk about how we'll show our patriotism by caring for them, and their families, and giving them the benefits they have earned.

I would not be running for President if I didn't believe with all my heart that this is what the vast majority of Americans want for this country. This union may never be perfect, but generation after generation has shown that it can always be perfected. And today, whenever I find myself feeling doubtful or cynical about this possibility, what gives me the most hope is the next generation - the young people whose attitudes and beliefs and openness to change have already made history in this election.

There is one story in particularly that I'd like to leave you with today - a story I told when I had the great honor of speaking on Dr. King's birthday at his home church, Ebenezer Baptist, in Atlanta.

There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organized for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She had been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and one day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.

And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that's when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.

She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.

She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.

Now Ashley might have made a different choice. Perhaps somebody told her along the way that the source of her mother's problems were blacks who were on welfare and too lazy to work, or Hispanics who were coming into the country illegally. But she didn't. She sought out allies in her fight against injustice.

Anyway, Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they're supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who's been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he's there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, "I am here because of Ashley."

"I'm here because of Ashley." By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children.

But it is where we start. It is where our union grows stronger. And as so many generations have come to realize over the course of the two-hundred and twenty one years since a band of patriots signed that document in Philadelphia, that is where the perfection begins.

Current Mood:
touched touched
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AHHHHHH!!! I managed to avoid the "Presser Plague" (Presser is the name of the "School of Music" building and essentially, when one person gets sick, everyone gets sick because we spend so much time there practicing and going to classes and being around each other), but I got sick AFTER the "Plague" passed!!! ARGH!!!!! I still got to sing at open house and that makes me happy...but ARGH! It's not even that bad a cold, but I get really tired easily and I sound like Mimi from "La Boheme" whenever I cough. Let me tell you the singers I pass in the hallways don't appreciate it. So for the meantime, I am quarantining myself. I JUST WANT THIS STUPID THING TO BE OVER WITH SO I CAN GET ON WITH MY LIFE!!! I still have a song to memorize by my recital AND I have a duet to learn!!! STRESS!!! I know I should avoid it...I know it's only making me worse...I know I should relax...*pants* I should just study for my exam in Romantic Music tomorrow. Argh. :( Send me some love!!! Someone be my voice of reason and tell me I'm going to be ok? Please? LoL. So I don't lose my already congested to the point of popping off my neck head!!!!
Current Mood:
frustrated/sick! frustrated/sick!
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We got a new kitty!! Well, my parents did anyway! EEE!!! His name is Jack, and he's 6 months old. He was for adoption at the vet. :) Will tell more on it later!! EEE!!! Kitty!!!

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a96/lieder_lady/Jacksfirstday.jpg

Current Mood:
bouncy bouncy
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So...I need to meet with my styles teacher about a project we're going to have to do...so, last night, I get the brilliant idea to write it on my hand, because I keep forgetting. So, I write "Borg" on my hand (that's my professor's name). Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. It is no longer on my hand, but rather, on my face...and I can't get it off! Well...at least I won't forget to see him this morning. *facepalm*
Current Mood:
dorky dorky
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SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



But seriously...10 inches!!!! Whoa!! I'm so happy it snowed on my birthday (yesterday). It was so pretty. The only down side is that Laurie and Kunaey and I were going to go to Fusion Brew, as I've never been. They said it was awesome. Bleh. Oh well...another time. Brian sent me orchids....no one has ever sent me flowers on my birthday! I love him so much. I wish he had been there when I received them...I would have made a complete fool of myself being lovey-dovey. Hahaha. So...it kind of feels weird being 21 now. Like...I could buy a drink if I wanted. Problem is...I really don't want to. I didn't even drink last night. If anything, I made it an even more productive day than usual. I practiced for a really long time and learned half a song last night. I think I may have it partially ready for my next lesson. I'm kind of freaked out though. It has colouratura lines in it and it goes up to a high C and some on staccatto! Either she has some serious faith in me, or she didn't look at the score completely before giving it to me (which would have been pretty irresponsible). I hope she doesn't. Now that I think of it, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I am a soprano. I SHOULD be singing high C's. Luckily, it's not a particularly sustained high C. And it's in French! I get to have French in my recital now! Yay! :-D I actually am really looking forward to being productive today. The only downside is that I was really hoping to enter that IES writing contest...but today is the deadline...and I know I can't finish it and edit it by the day's end.....*sigh* I'm a good writer too (and I should be as it's in my family for 2 generations). I know I could have won the $200...but I honestly did not have time. Well, I am going to write it anyway for my own benefit...maybe someone in the study abroad office can use it for some purpose or another. Anyway, with Brian being a chef, he told me I'm never going to be a starving artist. Hee hee. Anyway, I should probably get dressed. It's cold! Love you all!

Kate
Current Mood:
bouncy bouncy
Current Music:
River--Ennio Morricone ("The Mission")
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I just realized what a paradox "Christian rock" is...
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
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I WANT TO DIE.
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
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What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, falling in love has never been easy. You can only fall for someone who is very patient and persistent.




*sigh* I miss Brian....
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
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You know, I was just looking at my unofficial transcript today to see if I qualified for something. Whether I did or not is a moot point. I was just looking at all the classes I've taken and it says how many hours you have completed and I thought, "Damn! I've been in school for a LONG time!!!" It doesn't really seem that way though. I'm completing the second half of my junior year now. College is more than half-over. It's weird. It seems like yesterday that I just moved into my freshman dorm with Emily, my first roommate.

I realize more and more, as I learn more about music, I am really isolating myself to a select few people. I hate to say this, but musicians may seem arrogant, but it's because we know another language all together. Not to mention, many of us are FASCINATED with this language...this rich language that has been around for CENTURIES and is pretty universal...and it's so richly tied in with history that in a way, it's all academic lessons tied into one (Math included!) But I've come to realize more and more that it's pretty much ALL I talk about! I feel so bad about it too! Because when I talk to people, sometimes, they give me blank stares. It's almost like I've forgotten how to speak normally. While this can be a wonderful thing, I am starting to feel rather sad about it. I feel like I an only relate to a select few.

Brian is not musically inclined. In fact, he's tone deaf. It's kind of weird because I have perfect pitch...so we're complete opposites in that sense. He knows next to nothing about music and I noticed that these days, as I talk to him on the phone, he gets quieter and quieter. He says it's because he likes learning new things and he loves how passionate I am about music. I feel bad though. I feel like I'm leaving him in the dust. Do I really get so carried away that I lose people like that? Am I that out there? I really hope I'm not...

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